


A Gem Like Me

by SusieBeeca



Series: Amor Vincit Omnia [6]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Blind Character, Blindness, Disability, F/F, Multi, Other, Physical Disability, chipped gem theory, neuroatypical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 23:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SusieBeeca/pseuds/SusieBeeca
Summary: Snowflake's life is rough---after all, it's hard being the only autistic gem in creation. But when she meets another gem who seems to have a similar disability, she starts to learn she might not be alone.





	A Gem Like Me

_”Just go and say ‘Hi’ to her!” Biggs had said. Her face was all weird and pinchy, which either meant she was angry… or she was making fun of me. “C’mon, Snowflake, it’s not like it’s gonna_ kill _you.”_

Right. If she _was_ being sarcastic, that could mean that this _could_ kill me. But I knew she wouldn’t put me in danger, so she was probably just irritated at me again. I must have done something, but I didn’t know what. I liked Biggs. She was funny. She’d taught me about jokes, but she sometimes got a weird look on her face if I laughed. Or I didn’t laugh. Or if I laughed but not enough. I learned that when she smiles at me, it’s okay to laugh, but any other time her face moves around I just sort of stand there until she explains. 

I’m taking a deep breath.

Biggs’ face was moving around when she told me to go talk to this new gem, and Crazy Lace smiled when she looked at Biggs. I don’t know why. Biggs wasn’t smiling, so why did Crazy Lace smile? I knew I had an order, and it wasn’t a joke, and I actually got upset. It made me upset that Crazy Lace could understand Biggs’ face and I couldn’t---and why wouldn’t she tell me what was going on if she knew? I wanted to be calm, so I started moving my hands… but Biggs grabbed them and said “Quiet hands, Snowflake!” so I had to stop that. 

And now I’m opening the cell door.

I don’t like this.

The cell is, in my opinion, a lot nicer than most of the places I’ve been before on this planet. Earth is weird---it just does what it wants to do, and no one can really explain why. This planet is weird, and... and I like that it's weird. I like that, I like that about this planet.... it does its own thing, and I do mine. But in this cell, it’s just soft and quiet and dark and there’s only me and… and… and this other gem.

Okay. A new gem. I can do this.

I take a deep breath, pulling in, trying to keep my hands from making too much commotion.

This gem. She’s sitting like a cat all curled up in her pillows, almost as if she’s trying to find some comfort in a world that has a lot of hard edges and bright lights. But then her head jerks up and she says, loudly, “Who’s there?”

I stand still, halfway inside the door. Normally gems say “Hi” or “Hello” and I know to say “Hello” back, but I’ve never had someone yell “Who’s there?” at me before. Anyone can see I’m an Obsidian---did she not see? Or did she want me to tell her my nickname?

“Hello?” she says as she gets to her feet. “Is someone there? Did you open the door? Are you letting me out?”

I can feel my hands moving. Oh no, three questions. What do I do? I can answer, but should I answer them in order? The last time I did that Biggs called me stupid. Should I answer in reverse order?

She’s walking towards me, but I notice something odd---she’s not meeting my eye, and her hands are up in front of her body, which isn’t where most gems would hold them. Her elbows are clenched, her bare feet moving slowly. “I-I know someone’s there!” she says as she walks up to me. “Please, just… just…”

I try to have ‘quiet hands’, but I can’t. I feel something bubbling inside me. This is… new? I’m suddenly, and startlingly, excited---for the first time, I’m starting to realize that maybe there’s another gem—maybe—possibly—who…who thinks like I do. Maybe I’m not the only one who’s like me. Maybe? Her voice sounds broken. She’s not looking at my eyes, and I don’t like looking at gems in their eyes, and her hands aren’t doing a normal thing, and my hands don’t move like other gems…

“P-please just tell me who y-you are,” she says as she staggers up towards me, and for a moment I’m a bit worried because she’s not slowing down like she should. “I’d like to MMMPH!”

Oh my stars. Her… face… she’s just walked right into my chest. She’s _touching_ me. I freeze up.

And now she’s touching just under my breasts. I know it’s usually wrong to do that, to be so intimate with someone you’ve just met, so maybe I was mistaken before---maybe she’s not like me. Maybe this is how they’re saying hello on Homeworld now. A lot of things have changed since I’ve left. Maybe she’s a normal gem, and that means what she’s doing is okay. 

I gulp, but I don’t push her away like I want to. Is it okay? Is this normal? And if it is, would it be wrong to tell her to stop?

“Bismuth?”

She’s still touching my ribs, and even though she said a name I can tell by the way she lifted her voice at the end that she’s actually asking a question.

“Bismuth, is that you?”

I want to tell her no, I’m not Bismuth, but I’m looking at her very carefully. She’s still not meeting my eye. And she’s being… weird. 

My belly flutters, like a moth trapped by a candle. I’m confused and overwhelmed by the happiness. She _is_ like me! I blink away tears. _Stars, I thought I was alone…_

“Bismuth, I really hope that’s you,” this odd gem says as she palms my chest. “Otherwise, I think I’m going to die of embarrassment.”

“HELLO!”

She screams and jumps backwards. I shoot my hands up and I know I’m blushing; I didn’t mean to scare her! “No no no! It’s okay! I’m not going to hurt you!”

She’s got her arms over her head, and I know she’s afraid, so I step back. It pinches me deep inside to know I’ve frightened a potential friend. I’ve been told I don’t know much, but I do know I’m big, and I’m intimidating, and that other gems find me off-putting. I really, really don’t mean to be. I don’t _want_ to be.

“Hello, I-I’m Snowflake,” I say with a quiet voice. “I’ve just come to… to say hello.”

“I am so, so sorry,” she whispers into her hands. “I didn’t mean to touch you like that!”

“Okay.”

I walk up to her, but I don’t get too close. Rose told me that an arm’s-length is an okay distance for most gems, so I pause, measure the length, then sit next to her. She’s shivering like she’s cold. “Are you afraid?”

Her “yes” is so quiet it’s hard to hear.

“I’m a big gem, but I don’t hurt other gems,” I tell her. It’s something I’ve practiced. “Biggs told me to come and say ‘hello’, so, hello.”

She lifts her head from her palms, but she still isn’t looking at me. “Oh… y-yes. Biggs. I’ve talked to her.”

“Yeah, she’s nice.”

“And you’re… Snowflake?”

She’s turned her head to me, but her eyes are on the floor, and again I feel that weird, surging bubble. I’ve spent so long, SO LONG, trying to navigate my way through a world of gems who just can’t think like me, whose mannerisms seem so foreign. And now I just want to hug this gem, to pull her up close and tell her we’re kindred spirits.

“I’m Snowflake!” My left hand is tapping against the ground, I’m so happy. 

“I’m… I’m Emmie,” she says softly.

“I LIKE YOUR EYES!”

Oops.. I barked it out, way too loud. She pulls back, and my hand stops its happy movement. I’ve upset her. Her face is moving around, but I can recognize a frown and I’m starting to get that whatever I said made her upset.

“Why?”

Okay, that’s easy enough to answer. “I like your eyes,” I mumble, tapping my hands around to keep calm, “Because they’re on the ground. It’s weird to me to look at other gems’ eyes, and you’re not. So, I like your eyes.” I clear my throat. “And they’re pretty, too.”

She doesn’t move at first, and then she pulls her knees up to her chest, like an animal in a cage. “You… you… a-aren’t l-looking at me?”

She stutters! That’s amazing! “Well, I have looked at you, but I’m not looking at you now.”

Her hand goes up to her lips, and she bites on one of her fingers. “Why not?”

“Because if I look at gems it feels uncomfortable.” I crouch, and I put both my hands on my knees; I can still see her shadow cast over the floor. “I can talk to them if I look around but their eyes make me feel strange.”

She gasps, and her finger pulls out of her mouth. “Oh! Oh wait! Bismuth told me about you!”

“She did?”

“Yes!” And now she’s turned to me with a big smile. “She told me about the ‘great big Obsidian’. She said you… um… really marched to the beat of a different drummer.”

And then I felt cold inside me. That’s what all of my sisters had said. That’s what the Agate had said. That’s what I’d heard when Biggs’ hand shot out and pulled the Agate’s whip away from my back. “She just marches to the beat of a different drummer”. And that had been my brand, my mark. The shadow that lurched upon me wherever I went. When I crashed out of my hole I was bigger than any Obsidian before me, and I could fight---and I knew, I just _knew_ from Day One, that the only reason I wasn’t sent to the chipper was because of my size. My Kindergarten sisters always laughed at me. They mocked me for not understanding their expressions. They howled in derision when I said something “wrong”. They cheered when the Agate whipped me for flapping my hands around, the only, only thing that could restore the calm to my mind. Even Biggs, my guardian, couldn’t always save me from punishment---when you’re as stupid as me, size only gets you so far.

“I don’t,” I mumbled bluntly. “I’m just stupid.”

Oddly enough, the gem recoiled as if I’d slapped her. “No you’re not!”

I sort of laughed. “Maybe you’re stupid too… if you can’t tell I’m stupid.”

“You’re NOT!”

And she stood up. Even though her eyes were still away from mine, she gestured towards me, almost like she was beckoning. “Tell me, Snowflake… what do you think of me?”

That was hard to answer. The most beautiful gem I’d ever met was Rose, and her beauty came from her big, soft, fat body and her kind face and her sweet smile and her piles of thick hair. The gem I was looking at wasn’t fat; she was way too skinny. But she did have a nice smile, and she did have a lot of hair.  
I scratched my neck. “I like you. You’re nice. You look kind of pretty, even though your feet are too big.”

Her fingers flew to her mouth as she giggled. “That’s it! That proves my point!”

I was honestly confused.

“Most gems would say I only look so-so… because my tits are too small, and my butt is too big, and I have an overbite.” She was smiling at me. “And I’m blind.”

I had to stagger back because my gut was flip-flopping from that revelation. _Blind?_ She was _blind?_ That’s why she wasn’t looking me in the eye?

“You’re blind,” I muttered, and even I could tell how stupid it sounded. To think I’d actually clung to the hope that someone else had a mind like me. _Dammit._

“See? You’re not stupid, you just think in a different way!”

She sticks her hand out, and it takes me a moment before I realize she was trying to find mine. I usually feel uncomfortable when other gems touch me, but I grasped her little hand in mine, and I forced a smile. “I-I’m sorry. I thought you were like me,” I sort of hissed under my breath.

“I’m not,” she whispered as she petted my knuckles, “But, together, we’re fighting against a world that doesn’t understand us.”

“I…” I was still so disappointed. I still wished I’d met a gem like me. But… But I could see. She couldn’t. She could think normally. I couldn’t. We could talk---we could talk, almost as if we weren’t flawed, almost as if we were just two normal gems. Together, we could be something amazing. “Hey, wanna hear a joke?”

Her hand still in mine, the little gem nodded. “Sure.”

“A string goes into a bar,” I said at the top of my voice. “The barkeep says ‘We don’t serve strings here!’ So the string leaves.”

For the first time, I see her overbite. She’s biting her lip. It’s kind of cute.

“So the string goes outside and says ‘I really want to go in that bar!’ So the string twists himself around, and he pulls at his hair, and he says ‘Okay, now I’ve got a good disguise!’ So he walks back into the bar.”

She’s nodding at me, and I like her smile! I’m so glad Biggs told me this joke.

“So that bouncer says… ‘Are you a string’?”

She looks like she wants to laugh.

So I yell out: “And the string says… ‘No! I’m a frayed knot!’”

At first I think I should help her… but then I realize she fell over because she’s laughing. 

“’Afraid not’!” I repeat, and I feel my fluttering gut move again when she pulls her hand away to wipe at her face. 

“Three race horses are talking about their pasts,” she says softly. “One says ‘I’ve won three out of my past five races’. Another says ‘I’ve won fifteen out of my past twenty races’. The last horse says ‘I’ve won forty-seven of my last fifty races’.”

Good… good! She’s setting up a joke! I lean forward, contented and giddy to hear the answer.

“A greyhound walks up to them,” she goes on. “And the greyhound says ‘I overheard your conversation, gentlemen, and I have to say… I have won all one hundred races I’ve been in!’”

She’s leaning her head away and still chewing in her lip, so I know she hasn’t told the punchline yet.

“The horses are very impressed,” she finally says. “One of them declares ‘Wow! A talking dog!’”

And that’s when her soft little hand falls into my palm.

“I’m so glad to meet you, Snowflake,” she murmurs, and I clench her fingers deep inside mine.

“I’m glad to meet you too,” I respond.

And, for the first time, she places a light kiss on my wrist. 

“Weirdoes together,” I say, and she snickers.

“Yes… weirdoes together.”

She may not use her brain like I do, I think, but at least… at least she’s as weird as I am. And if there’s going to be a new Crystal Gem in our ranks, well… I’ll stand by her side and defend her to my last breath.

Weirdoes together.


End file.
